To Marry or Not?

“Are you okay to drive?” My friend’s wife asked her husband after a long night at the mall. Earlier that day, a group of friends and I went to a movie theater inside of said mall to watch Star Wars: The Mandalorian and Grogu. I don’t know why, but I decided to stick around with a few of the couples afterwards. Man, some of those guys are chatterboxes.

At any rate, it was probably around eleven o’clock at night when they finally finished talking and were ready to head home. That’s when my friend’s significant other asked him the question at the outset. At that moment, it felt like a nerve hit me. I realized I was the odd man standing out in this situation. I’m not married. I don’t have a significant other to check up on me and make sure I’m okay. I did feel a bit better when she said, “Drive home safe, okay Mark?” So I suppose I’m not totally in the dark here.

Within the past year or two, I’ve seen many people get married. From relatives to acquaintances alike. My nephew got married back in April. I have a niece that’s getting married later this month. People who I once knew as kids are now twenty-one years old and they’re already engaged. Of course, it’s not in my position to judge whether or not any particular couple is too young to get married. But sometimes, I just can’t help but shake my head. I feel like everyone around me has found their significant other, and here I am without one.

That isn’t to say I’m not aware of the consequences of being married. I’ve seen the disasters that is the first marriage of some of my older siblings. They dove head-first into their relationship, only to realize soon after that things just didn’t work out between them. I’ve also been told, “Marriage is going to cost your freedom,” and “You chose the right path by remaining single.” And maybe that is the case. It’s just…this life of mine feels admittedly empty. I feel like I isolate myself too much. Having a close friend who I can talk to on a day-to-day basis would help me keep my sanity.

This gorgeous chick from Hawaii comes to visit my area…to do work for her “uncle”. (I put this in quotes because, while they’re not related by blood, they are very close to each other.) I’ve gotten to know her on and off. I’ve had lunch with her and her friends once. She sat next to me, and boy, it was hard to act like myself. It was difficult to make eye contact with her while I was speaking to her. Our eyes met and I almost felt my breath catch in my throat.

That’s as far as it went, though. Just a couple of days ago she left for Japan with a few of her friends. I felt like it would have been a bit awkward to express my interest in her at this point, especially since I don’t know her that well. I can only hope she’ll come back next year. Either that, or I’ll just have to move on.

So…I remain conflicted. I do want to get married but I also don’t. I want the companionship, but I also feel like I’m not prepared to deal with the consequences.

Cover image credit: Satchely